Hey all!!
I just wanted to update you all on the bus driver thing.
I must say, the guy can be an asshole. I thought it would be funny to hide under the seats in the back of a usually empty bus (except for me and him). So I scrunched myself into the most ungodly position under those seats.
Then when him and another regular passenger (Penny) got on I thought, "Oh shit! She's gonna tell him I'm back here." Then he was asking where I was. Penny started covering for me. She said that she saw me get off the bus and start walking home. She also said that it was only "me, myself, I and you" on the bus.
When we got back to the bus stop I was still scrunched there, and Patty was gone. Doug, the driver, comes back and says, "You can get up now." I asked if he'd really seen me and he said, "Yeah, I came back here before we left and I saw you and then I saw your hand in the aisle. Now there are going to be people coming on, so get up. You look like a nut.
**JUst a note: Nobody got on. The bus wasn't even flagged down.**
So after he got off the bus to go smoke a cigarette and shut the door to keep people from getting on, I unfolded myself from this position and sulked in my corner. When he got back on I was staring into space and he was trying to get me to pay attention to him (like the needy man he says he isn't). We went on our merry way, with him acting like nothing was wrong.
Well I'm not usually the kind to let what people say to or about me bother me for too long. Life is too short to care what people say.
But when he said, "You look like a nut," it hurt. I trust him and I feel like I can tell him what is going on in my life and he won't judge me for it. He in a way feels like an uncle so it bothered me a lot. In fact, I've heard it ringing in my head since then. All through 6 hours of work, walking home from work, half an hour of my headphones blaring in my ears trying to drown it out, and all night in my sleep, and the first thing I heard this morning. You look like a nut....you look like a nut (!!).....YOU LOOK LIKE A NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning when I got on the bus he was on I joked, "Oh, no, I should take the 8:30 E-1 (route)."
He said, "Go ahead and wait for the fucking 8:30 bus. I don't care. Just go 'hide' under the fucking seats." I wilted. Oh, god, it hurt so bad.
When we got to our destination he said "have a great day" to everybody else but me. I got off the bus and went inside (it stops at a shopping mall) and went to the bathroom and cried. I wanted to scream.
I felt like shit. Fuck, why do I have to fuck things up like I do????
Sorry for venting to you JoeUsers. Holla back.
Lovvens,
*grins wickedly and sobs*
(Beth)"